Going to hospital again

I had an appointment with a psychologist in our nearest town (1.5hrs away) today. I'll be going into hospital (again) from tomorrow for a week or two. I feel a bit stunned at the sudden decision, but actually relieved to not have to fight this darkness on my own. I was barely hanging on.

Happy artmaking, everyone; see you when I get back.

New vessel done

"Bind Me Together"
April 2008
Fabric vessel. Fabric scraps, threads, beads.

See this post for the process of making this. On top is a row of fabric beads made by wrapping and stitching scraps together into a sphere about 2-3cm in diameter and then attaching seed beads individually.
I feel as if my life is in tatters. My depression is worse than before I went into hospital last year and I'm struggling to cope with things I KNOW I have found very easy before. I feel like I want to keep excusing myself and saying "but I'm not usually like this, I'm usually more together..."

The "observer consciousness" part of me finds it very apt that this bowl has arisen from this desperate time of trying to hold everything together. Many tears fell onto this work. I followed some (very tattered) instincts and several times along the way I wanted to give up as I thought the result would be too ugly, but I can't sit and do nothing, so I just kept on - and now that it is done, I really like it, because... it speaks for me. It witnesses. It's proof. It's tatty and organic and raw and rich and chaotic and a lot like me. And I like it.

And that ought to make me feel good, so why, I wonder, do I still feel as though I am stumbling around in a very long, dark night....?

Burning Man and creativity

In a recent issue of FiberArts magazine, there was an article about the Burning Man festival held in the Nevada desert, USA every year. I just finished reading a fascinating article about the Art of Burning Man by Darryl van Rhey. Some very, very interesting thinking and quite affirming to read as someone (an 'outsider') who is unschooled in art but has a "burning"(excuse pun) desire to make art all the time...

My Inno 2008 entry

I didn't think I was going to be able to get it together this year, but I felt so sad to let the chance slip by, that I managed to make an effort after all - I've entered Innovative Threads 2008. It's a wonderful annual South African Fibre Art exhibition (when I first heard of it and saw some of the works I would never in my wildest dreams have thought I could ever be part of it) and this year Tonya has taken it back to Cape Town to Margie Garratt's gorgeous exhibition space, Nova Constantia Cellars. Here is a review from the 2006 exhibition (I wasn't in it) held there.

They have a theme this year: "The only journey worth taking is the journey within" which I feel ambivalent about, but I really would love the opportunity to be juried in again and if I don't enter, I have NO chance...
My entry is called "Viral Load". It is a free-hanging work and represents a model of the Human Immunodeficiency Virus. The little dolls inside are (hopefully!) recognisable as derived from Edvard Munch's "Scream".
There is a mirror inside at the back, so you see your own reflection when you peer inside.
I am very reluctant to explain this work as I really want each person to make their own interpretation. It can be interpreted in several ways and I don't want to impose anything and risk stunting how you see it. The HIV/AIDS topic is a hot and highly relevant one in South Africa and I just want to contribute to the debate...

Marking time

... waiting for medication to work. Sorry, no pics today, but I have completed the scrap wors basket and slow progress is being made on a few other projects. I'll be back.