Finishing line in sight

I've solved the problem of this being way too floppy to hang - added an extra backing, with stiff interfacing ironed to it. A decision I regretted instantly once I decided to add some hand quilting! It completely changes the hand of the fabric, making it stiff and horrible to quilt. Still, the quilting process is finite, and then it will hang properly!

A few evenings more and it will be done.

My college room has a beautiful picture window, with a view second to none. I'm not exaggerating, when I say it delights me every single day. Whatever my mood, nature speaks to me, and it's directly outside! 

Here are a few seasonal pictures:

January 2018

January 2018 at night

March 2018

April 2018. 
See the wild hares in the bottom right of the picture? I woke up one morning, to them doing what bunnies do best...

May 2018

So soothing and rejuvenating to the soul. Things are actually looking up. I hit a very low point of despair some 10 days back, just after I'd been to the audiologist and was given the news that I have hearing loss. A blow to the gut. I am 56 years old.

I have to go back in a year, to see "which way it is going" - (very euphemistic - it can get better??) I suppose it could stay the same.  He called it 'modest' - what is modest even, to someone who works with people who need hearing aids? He said, at this level, I'd typically be having difficulty in gatherings. And yes, it is in classes...

At the same time, the fog in my head, was causing me to fall behind. I'd have notes, I had no memory of having been through. I felt stuck, I had nowhere to turn, no-one to speak to. After a lot of crying, I decided to take matters into my own hands, and decreased the medication, to where it was before. And the fog cleared!

And I feel so much better. Maybe some depression will return, but I'll deal with that, if it comes.

New work

Here it is May already, and much longer since the last post, than I had wanted. Never mind, only looking forward.

The work I've been showing in progress, is nearing the finishing line, and it will be satisfying to complete, mostly because I'm sick of it. It's very, very soft and floppy, and I worry that it won't hang flush with the wall. I'm thinking and thinking about how to stiffen it, given that the quilting is already virtually completed. I'll work it out and then put it up here.

Meanwhile, I started AND completed the next. Something of a wonder for me! I'm planning a series, so this is number 1.

Deeper and deeper 1

59x63cm

Fabric and beads

Detail picture

And yes, I've discovered the wondrous world of hypnotherapy. I don't think I've ever been so relaxed before, while awake. 

And it is very necessary right now, as my mood downturn has deepened. I'm actually really battling. Artwork is only being made, because without it, I would fall apart. Artwork is being made, during time I probably should be studying, and at the cost of how well I will do in exams. A deliberate decision. I have some leeway, as I did well in the last exam, so I have a better idea of how much is expected.

I'm having some trouble working out if this is another mood episode, or a (hopefully temporary) response to the stress of the studies. Maybe it's both. Medication is up, which is giving horrible side-effects of a foggy head and dizziness, neither of which are conducive to learning. My concentration has become so terrible that it drifts off continuously, and I'm not catching or understanding much of what happens in class. I cry at the drop of a hat and feel clumsy and useless at the practical aspect. 

I've wondered if I am trying to do something which doesn't play to my strengths, once again. If I should carry on with it. Not sure what will happen, or how to tackle it, but I have made contact with a psychologist, so here's hoping I can figure out a way through, with help.

Weekends are little oases, with the life-giving waters and nourishment of creating. While there's freedom to create, there is hope.
________

(Oh, and I did get my purse back - with everything in it. )

Here it is, with the busy background, I thought I'd try. I started sewing some of the stripey bits together last night and got about 1/6 of the way. 

Then I took this photograph and and I SERIOUSLY dislike it. I really don't like the "exploding" effect. 

This is a dreadful stage of the creative process: you start out SO excited and inspired, work feverishly to manifest what is in your head. You lose track of time and have moments of Flow. It's such a high. Then you reach a stage when it just looks dreadful and you hate it. It's nothing like the amazing picture you had in your head. The risks you took with the direction it wanted to take, have failed. You've put all that work into it, and it's a flop. You've lost something you invested so much in. 

Often I put it away at this stage and just try to forget. Start something new to get back the high of the inspired feeling. Or numb out the disappointment on Facebook. 

This time, I knew what I didn't like and luckily most was still pinned and I'd only sewn a little. I sighed over the futile effort down the drain, and unpinned 2 evenings (roughly 8 hours) work. There was still too much I didn't like, so I unpicked about an hour's worth of the already sewn part. I'm much happier with it now. I may even unpick a bit more, but will wait until I've built up the empty parts.

The process resumes and it's amazing how your disappointment then vanishes into thin air, like a cloud on a sunny day: you've managed to Save it. All those hours, going in the wrong direction, are totally forgotten.  The possibilities are open again and you're back to riding the high once more.

I now have a pile of cut-up-in small-pieces "Precious Fabric I've Been Saving For One Day And Just Can't Bear Cutting Into". Quilters will know what I'm talking about!  Ahhhh well, it's only fabric and that "One Day" is TODAY, I remind myself. There will be another work in the future, they'll be just right for.

And there's a sunny Sunday afternoon ahead. Streaming Radio 702 from South Africa on my laptop.

, 

It's acquired some blobs and some writing. :)

I don't have much of an idea where it will go to next - a pieced background? Maybe that's an idea. A busy background, with a quieter foreground.

A brief update - not much to say...

There's an old Danish song, about Winter, that starts "It is cold outside" and which goes on to describe the snowy landscape and the birds that have stayed behind. I've "corrupted" it, and written "It is cold inside" - there's more, but this is what I have finished embroidering:

I lost my purse yesterday, so I'm feeling frantic, and that doesn't help my mood. It's -6C outside, I have no car and am soon going to walk the 2km into town to search in the streets.

I've added two more layers. 

I have an upcoming exam, so I'm procrastinating and finding other **very important** things that HAVE to be done right now.... 

It's a great pity that I'm at my most creative when find myself outside the "normal range" of the mood spectrum. Maybe because, whenever I diverge to the negative end, it's so imperative that I create, to halt the downward spiral, that I can't not do it. 

I relate to people who won't take medication because it makes them "normal" - even though I'm not one of them. Being well-functioning takes priority now, even at the cost of some creativity. My mood has been stable for the past several years, which you can see by the lack of posts in that period. It's not that I don't create, it's that what I make doesn't have soul, or meaning or message. Or depth. And that is the kind of work I mean by "I art therefore I am".

I used to have much more time, but I'm studying at the moment - to become self-supporting again - so the pace of the work is much slower. There will probably not be much finished work posted here, just work-in-progress, as and when there is time to progress.

1.       

I'm finally getting around to using the fabric I rusted a long time ago.. I don't know if it's the Nordic influence now, maybe the naked winter trees, but I've moved to a phase of subdued colours - brown and grey, which I used to think were dull; practically non-colours. But now I discover that there are many, many shades of those and it's very interesting to see what you can do, when they're so muted.

"If my life were important"

Work-in-progress

New work

The Blog Shop

... is a dream at this stage. But perhaps one day...

Advice from Elizabeth Gilbert

Elizabeth Gilbert is writing about creativity these days. I read something she had written and one thing leaped off the screen and grabbed me.

 "I didn’t expect to make a living from writing. I never demanded that my writing, my art, support me. Instead, I made a commitment to do everything I could to support my art. I worked whatever job I had to so I could keep writing. I made a promise to my art, that I would always support it, I would make the sacrifices so we could be together."
(Big Magic - Elizabeth Gilbert)

Having entertained notions of trying to make a living from my art and then seeing the futility of it and the loss of creativity it brought and with that the loss of the love of it, this speaks so clearly to me. I realised that this is a far better way to keep my art and my enjoyment of it, alive. 

I'll work whatever job I have to, so I can keep doing this, and keep loving doing it..... :)

Teesha Moore inspired bag

So glad I finally got to make it!

One side:

The other side:

Detail shots:

Bookmarks

Made yesterday

75 kr each plus postage

Hello again World...

... from a new country and a new life in Denmark. And plans, so many plans. :)

Gosh. So much time gone by. So much water under the bridge. So many changes, yet many things the same.

2013

I had forgotten about my blog. This time I am not going to make any resolutions about keeping it up and then falter again. I will just post as and when I get to it.

I have made a number of new things in the past two years, but they are in storage as I have moved into a much smaller flat. So here are just some pictures of what I am busy with at the moment.

It still needs to have a backing put on it and be quilted, but first it needs a few beads to give it a bit more texture.

BEFORE my creativity dried up.

I must admit that it has come as a surprise to me that despite the dysfunctionality (or rather, non-functionality) of this blog, people are still reading it. Wow. Hi *wave* People. :) (I am not in a blog ring anymore, how did you find me?)

Only FIVE posts in all of 2010. That's ... sad. Well, the only way from there is up; I'm now on TWO already. *rolling my eyes and grinning*

It's now been several months that I have had no impetus to create anything and yesterday I decided that I have to do *something* so I started fiddling with bits of fabric. Not inspired, just "moodling" as dedicated blogger Robyn of Art Propelled calls it. ( "So you see, the imagination needs moodling – long, inefficient, happy idling, dawdling, and puttering." - Brenda Euland) Thanks for the advice, Robyn. :)

No I am not going to post photos of it. It is just "priming the pump" and doesn't look like anything. Instead I have a photo of a quilt I am making, well "making" is more like "occasionally working on", for my mom's bed.


I made the top before my creativity dried up. Rather crazily I decided to hand-quilt it. Why O why? There are SO many seams that I am quilting through 5 layers most of the time. It's been a long time since I last worked on something this big and it will be an even longer time till I do it again!

My creativity dried up.

My creativity has all dried up. After the exhibition - I don't know what happened but it all went out of me. :( Hopefully just a fallow period.

I had an exhibition

I have given myself a kick in the pants. Following another recent browse through Robyn's blog Art Propelled I was inspired to give my blog another go. Thank you, Robyn! :)

I had an exhibition of my work last month. It went very well. I was dreadfully nervous and the logistics were hairy (oh, for the money to have a manager/agent!) but I managed to get it together with some help from family and friends.

Here are some pictures from the opening. It really happened!

Wine and snacks, including sandwiches and sausage rolls made by my mom and I that afternoon, talk about panic.
I even sold some work!
That's me on the right in the black and white. I only slept one hour after the opening! The exhibition opening Friday 1 Oct and was open Sat/Sun after that. I didn't advertise it enough, but despite that there were quite a few people coming in over the weekend. Had an article in the local paper, to publicise it, so maybe that's where people knew from.

I now know an awful lot of things for next time. What? Next time?????? I'm still saying "never again"!

I don't post :(

I really have nothing to say but somehow I don't want this blog to die.