A Breakthrough!

I'm back at work today after my first long weekend of many. What do I mean by this?

I have begun my NEW WORKWEEK! I have finally conceptualised and negotiated this after a long time (years) of feeling burnt out, not coping, always behind and dissatisfied with my life. As I've mentioned in my profile, I feel as though I am in "wage slavery" and wish I could be an artist full-time, but there's that little money/survival issue, not improved by my single-parent status. A multitude of things that have to be done add to the stressors, and I find I often have the feeling that I am just not coping, but being pulled on a rope behind a big truck going too fast.

I've also found that contrary to my expectations, my teenagers need me a lot. They don't need as much physically, but they need emotional care and a lot of *listening*, and I need to be relaxed enough to do that listening and around when they get to talking. My parenting is a big part of who I am and occupies (voluntarily) a lot of my thoughts and hours. While they are little you dream of all the time you will have free as they grow up and 'need you less'. Hahahaha. Not so. They need you less in many ways, but then need you more in other ways. (Perhaps we need that illusion while they are small!) They are very companiable at this age, I am finding that I WANT to spend time with them, since I'm aware that time is fleeting and they will soon be gone.

So a while back, I sat and did the exercise of "If I could have whatever I wanted and money was no object, what would I want?" I found that what I wanted most was TIME (to do all the things I really wanted to do). Ideally I wouldn't work and just have unlimited money etc etc. but then I did the next exercise, which is "Which of these things could I have *right now*, with just small modifications to my life?" Think compromise. And what I wanted was to reduce my working hours from full-time to a little less, but not part-time, which I cannot afford to do.

I sat and did sums for working 4 days a week, 3 days a week etc. I worked out that I could probably manage on a 4/5 salary - we will miss some things, but my quality of life will improve, to make up for it, and as I am happier, I will be more available for my girls. Happiness isn't in having more stuff anyways.

I first tested out the feelings of my boss by enquiring whether the option of a 4/5 workweek was available and he didn't think so. Then I said "So it's either fulltime of half-time?" He answered interestingly, I thought. He said "well, 4 days out of 5 would be better than half time".

I mulled it over for a few weeks until a number of things all piled together and convinced me that I HAVE to change something or I will be heading for an early grave. (I already suffer from underactive thyroid, high blood pressure and depression and landed in hospital last year with uncontrolled high blood pressure and uncontrolled headaches). And then I went to him (last week) and said "I *need* to reduce my working hours *somehow*". I put together the possible options and we discussed it and then -

-he accepted the 4/5ths!!!! I couldn't believe it!

I will take a 1/5 pay cut. We have yet to work out how it will impact on my benefits (medical aid, pension etc) but I have asked that they cut the housing subsidy first and the medical aid last. So I should be able to retain most benefits. My leave will also be cut by 1/5.

I take off fridays, which gives me a long weekend, EVERY weekend! I've only just begun, but coming in to work this morning, I just felt SO good. I got lots of backlogged stuff done on the extra day and even had time to just sit and blob a bit. We'll lose a few luxuries, but with both my mental and physical health at stake, I'm ok with that. I've noticed that both girls are getting a little overweight (we won't even talk about the body that I currently inhabit...) as I'm too tired to provide proper food, so I'll be able to give that some attention.

I think just one extra day a week is going to go a LONG way.... without landing us on the street.

I've thought for a long time that there should be more flexibility in our working lives, especially for mothers. Women should be able to job-share, where 2 people cover one job. We should be able to work 3/4 time and other permutations. This kind of thing is well recognised in Europe, but we lag behind here in South Africa. We need to set some precedents, so this kind of thinking becomes more accepted. Then both our jobs and our families can be accommodated and we can adapt to different stages, going back to full-time when less is needed at home.

I think I also realised that jobs come and go, and if I fall over dead they'll have me replaced pretty soon, but my girls will not replace me that quickly. They are what really matter to me. So I really hope this works out for us... and I am feeling a whole lot more positive about my job now (it allows me to indulge in my art AND still eat!)

Plus, I'll keep buying Lotto tickets - hey, *someone* has to win! I know that statistically it won't be me, but... dreams are free.