Die Here het geskommel

"Die Here het geskommel
en die dice het verkeerd geval vi' ons,
daai's maar al" -Adam Small (1936 - )

Translated into English (help! I will not to be able to do this justice, and if by any remote chance you ever read this, Prof Small, please forgive me!)

"The Lord rolled,
and the dice fell badly for us,
that's all"

Adam Small wrote this about the "bruin mense" (mixed race folks, of whom he was one) who, despite their unique and distinct culture and beingness , got sidelined in the big black/white struggle, as they were never quite "black enough" and never quite "white enough".

I was feeling particularly bitter and "bummed" about having become unwittingly and unwillingly, wedded to this illness called bipolar, which I've likely had most of my life, just misdiagnosed over all these years (it's life-long, can be managed but not cured) that these words came to mind, and I relate so strongly to them right now - as they might apply to those of us afflicted with a mental illness, for whom the dice also just landed badly. I have to keep reminding myself that it's "not about what cards you were dealt, but how you played the hand you were given", but sometimes even that isn't quite enough, either.

We studied several of Adam Small poems at school and I was captivated by them. He is now retired from his job as a sociology lecturer. Many of his poems were written in the distinct Afrikaans dialect of his people, so that the text begged to be read out loud and came alive and very evocative when spoken. I think they played a large role in conscientising me(yes, that is a real South African word now!) back in the late 1970's, when I was in high school.

It grows!

It's green and it's growing...! I have set a deadline of 6 Nov (and seem to be steadying as far as concentration goes - each pattern piece is different, so I have to figure out how to join each piece anew) as I like to take along my most recent art to my psychologist appointments in the next big town (PE). I go only about once a month, and want this completed by then. (That little trip now costs about R300 in petrol there and back, btw, apart from the actual cost, part of the reason it's only once a month or sometimes every 6 weeks) But I find the art useful for showing what's on my mind at the time.

This was originally inspired by Windows Media Player (believe it or not, since it's ended up being quite organic) - WMP has a swirling pattern as the music plays, called "smoke or water", which competely captivated me. When I started drawing it, it evolved (a lot!) and now looks very unlike how it began, but that's fine. It's also similar to the swirling patterns I often see in my head and in dreams (you could call it artistic inspiration, or you could just say it's the cocktail of medicines firing all sorts of neurons in my brain! Either way, I am going to use it!!)

Detail shots:
I've hand-pieced this with (almost) an English paper piecing method except that I only pin around the pieces of one of each ajoining seam and don't baste. Basting is just... like stuffing a tomato - life's too short! My fingers are pricked to shreds, ouch, ouch and ouch again. Now that's suffering for your art. I'm now at work and hitting keys on the keyboard hurts (and it would be one of those silly admin data-capture days today, of all times). The next one like this WILL be sewn together by machine, if only to have some intact skin left on my fingertips...

What a challenge it has been to keep this piece flat! Ironing will help at the end and fortunately the quilting process, hides mountains and valleys of unflat flaws!

A "principle" or tip I leaned in a workshop with Sally Scott on Afro-American patchwork is to put just tiny bits of an unexpected colour in a piece, which somehow gives it a bit of "zing" and unexpectedness, that adds that "look-again-and-find-something-new-each-time-you-look" quality. I LOVE this when looking at art - that you don't just look and go "okay, I've seen it", but that you're drawn back several times.

And now I'd better get some work done.... {skulks off}

"Some say I'm a visionary, others say I'm, just seeing things..."

Words and drawing

I've been wanting to put more words on my art for quite a while now. Sometimes, when ideas are more cognitive and can be expressed in words, I like to write. At other times, words can't do the job - and shapes, colours, symbols and 3-D forms that are wordless, but communicate on a deeper level, are needed. The latter tend to be more abstract than pictorial for me. I was going to insert some writing I did recently, here, which I want to, somehow, incorporate into some work, but this post seems to want to go elsewhere, so I'll just take it where it wants to go.

To my great surprise, I learnt in hospital that I can draw! A wonderful occupational therapist brought me a pencil and paper in High Care. My first few days there went by in a drugged haze, but once I was saturated with anti-manic drug, it was decreased quite a bit and I was still very, very cheerful and bursting with energy, and this is when she brought me the paper, out of the blue, one day. I fell over it and just drew and drew. Mostly, I drew leaves I found outside, all deformed, skew or shrivelled in some way. They resonated with me - well, the symbolism was clear. They were far more interesting than the perfect ones. They were still "working" on the bushes or trees, capturing sunlight and making food, just like all the other leaves, despite their quirks. They were more challenging to draw, but they were also more dimensional and meaningful to me. (I'm hoping to buy a scanner soon, and will be able to scan in some drawings.)

I hope I can translate this recent fire into something artful, that is beautiful for its own sake, just like the leaves.

Small picture

Pic of just a small section of what I'm working on for FOUR days now!! When not at work, of course. Blast this having to earn a living, what a waste of time!

Just as I thought I was OK

... I went back to hospital. This time I was manic, which by the way, despite the romanticism and glamour that somehow seems associated with it, is *anything but that*. Just a touch is fine - you get very creative, energetic and can conceive of and see projects through, but anything more and it's horrible. I was in High Care for 7 of the 8 days, doing a few strange things, of which I will spare you the details! I haven't posted for so long as I've simply been too disorganised, completely distracted and have the concentration ability of a fruit fly. I've started I don't know how many works, but two days max and I am onto the next. I've basically been very, very busy and have accomplished nothing in the past month.
{sad face} I don't want this illness!

Embellishing Mania {grin}

I am still having loads of fun sewing all sorts of things onto backgrounds. It must be the influence of the last few issues of Quilting Arts magazine, which seem to be embellishing a lot these days! It suits me, because of all the million crazy little things that I have hoarded for years, many of which have some personal meaning for me, that I can now use. However, some of those things do not have holes in them, so today I invested in 5 titanium drill bits for this latest passion! They were only about R8 each, and I got small sizes, from 1.2mm to 3.5mm. I'm at work, but can hardly wait to get home to try them out! Some drilling going to be done today!

Even with my battered old drill that has seen distinctly better days! :