I'm back from hospital. The medical aid only covered 14 days. But I'm not sure any more time there would have made much difference - it was basically to figure out what path to put me on. I'm still feeling dreadful so won't be blogging much until I feel I can say something positive. There is enough gloom in the world without me adding more negativity.
When I started this blog I was so determined to keep any mention of my recurrent depression to a strict and casual minimum, but recently the depth of the despair has just engulfed me. I'm sorry.
Maybe later I'll have the courage to post pics of the art I did in hospital and in the lead-up to it, but it's gloomy and I don't want to bring anyone down. Like my psychotherapist showed me, you get what you focus on, and your thoughts have such a major influence on how you feel, that I've decided I need to deliberately work on beautiful, uplifting works to balance the gloom a little...
... because I do want to contribute beauty and happiness to this world. I'm leaving the unfinished depressive works aside for now (I do want to finish them at some stage, because I feel they are authentic and also deserve to be heard) but I am now starting on a fabric art journal with uplifting images, bright colours and maybe even prettiness {{gasp!}}
Depression is a very lonely kind of hell, so thanks once again for the support received in emails, comments, sms'es, personally etc ... so often, kind words are all you have left to cling to and I have clung to many of yours. And that includes all the kind staff and other patients, several of whom became friends, in hospital. And especially my psychotherapist who has the ability to cut to the chase and challenge me, in such a kind way.
Gratefully,
Karen
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