I'm looking back over my life and seeing all the cycles which I now have words for, that explain to me why they were so hard and why I was never able to just be stable. It's not new; I've always just known reality to be that way for me - ever changing, depending on which part of the cycle I was in. A bit like the Magic Faraway Tree by Enid Blyton, that I read so avidly when I was a child; when different lands would be at the top of the tree and then blow away to be replaced by the next! :) That is how my thoughts and my reality have been. It didn't occur to me that it isn't like that for everyone.
But, actually, nothing has changed from getting the new diagnosis, I'm just more accepting of how things have been, and more compassionate with myself. I like being seasonal and want to be philosophical about that, since that is just how it is. I want to feel my emotions, as intense as they are - living them is very real and in touch. I'm not keen on the extreme poles, which are not constructive or helpful to my life and in addition, those poles are also not good for my daughters, to whom I owe it, to be less erratic. So I'll just be a good girl and take the pills. For now!
Now if I could only solve the "having to make a living" issue - how boring! - I'll be all set!
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